Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
