Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
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Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
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HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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