Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Randomize
