Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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