john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
