alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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