pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
The struggles of a small town man whore
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
