Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
