I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
