I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
You ruined the universe
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