just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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