Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
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