I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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