Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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