He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
