My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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