I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
