remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Vodka?
Forever.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
