I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
