Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
