so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
