He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
