Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
