he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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