I will die if light touches me.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
