he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
