last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I am naked and annoyed.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
