Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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