thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
