do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
This is classic penis vs brain.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
