Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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