I heard we made out
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
