Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
