I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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