I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
