whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
FUCK WHALES
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
