I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
