So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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