at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
