It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
