omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
