Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
