There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
