Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
