I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Acid is not a monday night drug
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
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