Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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