Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
