He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
