just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Pooping to opera.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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