I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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