Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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