I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I think I am morally bankrupt
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
