a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
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