My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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