Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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