You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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