Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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