After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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