Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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