I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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