I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
