They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
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