Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
