Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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