Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
